I never knew...

I have been kissed,
By the cold winter mist
By the falling snow
By the morning glow

By the grains of sand
The wind sweeps from land
And gives them a new place
To create life and grace.

I have been touched,
By the tenderness of a flower.
By the first autumn shower.
By the fingers of a child.
By the winds of the wild.

I have been held,
By birds in full flight.
By the gentle giant's might.
By the calmness of the sea.
By the strength in a tree.


They hold me,they touch me
They captivate my soul.
They show me, and tell me
They make me feel whole.
They make me content.
They take away all resent.
They give me strength.
To stick with my goal.

The sounds the wind brings in..

They say I look sad.
They say I am mad.
They say I'm pretty.
Especially when I'm witty.

They say many things
They've done so forever.
Sometimes against me.
Sometimes in my favour.

But will they help me move the rock?
Can they support and not mock?
Can they be trusted to help,
When the the sea throws me, off the dock?

They are guided by directions,
They themselves don't understand
They just follow a singing bird
Until it flies over their land.

They've never really loved the bird.
Will not cry when its shot dead.
By a reckless wandering hunter
whose random bullet goes through its head.

They will find a new icon.
This time an animal,who knows.
And watch on, enraptured.
As it battles with its foes.

So why rely on the word,
of this moving wind
one day its with you,
The next, it cuts your wings.

They have an opinion on every news.
They can clap, or abuse.
You can be a king,or a recluse.

They don't bother if they burn your skin.
As they banish you away from your kin.
They don't mind if it kills your soul,
When they serve you hatred on a bowl.

So why bother,about what they say.
Their God changes everyday.
Today they hail you as their king.
Tomorrow they will deny your very being.

Care for people,
Only those who care for you.
Only those who will never forget.
The friend they found in you.
Or the perfect child you have been.
A better kin is yet unseen.
A better partner does not exist.
They pray for your health,they insist.
They who have made us what we are.
Are the only ones who have affected me, by far.

The rest of the tide,I don't ask for.
I do not bother with folklore.

Gifts unwanted.

Living on my own terms happens to be,
My name, my fame, my destiny.
Never had a choice,
Never found a voice,
To deny the gifts
handed to me.

Once I struggled to make my stand.
Now I own my own piece of land.
Never thought I wanted it in the first place.
But recieved it wrapped in silk and lace.

They say I should be proud of what I have.
Well, I am, the facts I can't deny.
And thankful for the jewels, that decorate my crown.
Never once did I disrespect their worth with a frown.

All I say is, they are jewels I never wanted.
They are like gold in a hungry man's pocket.
Who wants bread more than anything else from the flock.
What will he do with a piece of rock.

Sometimes when I struggle to keep my face.
I realize I never wanted to run this race.
But now I'm running, like everyone around me.
Running to a dream or from a nightmare we did not see.

And when I stop for a moment to catch my breath.
I find myself being pushed by the mob instead.
I am not allowed time to hold my ground.
To look back and think of what I've found.

I do not understand this game.
It does not make sense.
And even though I'm winning
And crossing every fence.
I don't feel content
Or prize my money.
Its the same for me,
As salt is to honey.

Faith:Can I defend you?

To stand for my faith seems easy when they say
Believe in yourself and write your own day.
Its all so easy,on paper and pen.
Life is a game
played in her name.

But when the wheel of time turns against you.
And everyone around has an antagonist hue.
When the colours in life just do not blend.
When your word is a damage impossible to mend.
Thats when I start to question,
not my faith, I live because of her
but myself,and my strength
in being able to defend her.

When everyone questions,the reason of her being
I don't know if I can stand up against the wind.
When they decide to deny,her existence per se
would I be able to save her that day??

That doesn't mean that i'll give up
on her,no I cannot.
I will stand with her,
without her I'm not.
All I'm worried is that if I loose my battle.
I might die,that is fine,but she should not rattle.
And others who have their faith in me.
Should not be subjected to the same decree.

The thing called destiny...

The way life goes,
The way your boat rows,
Looks like its in your hands,
Your victory and your throes.

But then,there are times,
When everything is a web.
And you are sure that before the day ends,
You'll either be damaged or dead.

But as the day goes by,
You feel it wasn't that scary.
Things work out when you aren't wary
of their presence or importance
in your dreams or your reality.
And the day ends without your losing your vitality.

Then you start to believe
In the thing called destiny.
It can kill you of an allergy
Or as the hero of a mutiny.
And you're just a single piece
in the puzzle of life.
And you don't know if your place
is in song or a strife.
Only when the game is coming to an end
Do you taste your role in the magnificient blend.

The thing called destiny
just drives you to the gate.
where life invites you
to its royal fete.

Different ways...

The way she waits for me at the doorway
And then shouts at me for not hearing her say
the way life is meant to be
And how I'm ruining it by trying to be free
And then the sorry look she gets
when she realizes her little girl upset
She doesn't advice me about life,instead
Quietly comes and kisses my forehead.


The way he always pushes me ahead
He cannot see my gusto defeated or dead.
So he's always trying to hold me straight.
When I fall with a thud and resign to my fate.
The way he has accepted that even daughter's grow up.
And are not always happy with an ice-cream cup.
The way he tries to hide how much he misses me.
Because emotional is not how a man is supposed to be.


The way he smiles when he sees I'm there.
The child in him beams out with cheer.
The way he's a mature man when he faces winter.
Yet he's never too old to tease his sister.
The way he becomes a friend when I need one.
And the next instant he'll be stealing cheese from my bun.
The way he has learned to live with focus and panache.
I see him as a man aware of his cache.

The way he searches his dreams in my eyes.
The way he needs me,and still denies
How much I am a part of him.
The way he argues that I'm not thin.
The way he sleeps like an innocent child.
The way simple gifts can drive him wild.
The way he helps me find my ground.
The way I miss him,when he's not around.

I love them all in different ways.
They bring me life and colour my days.
They are all that I need to smile and cry.
If they wouldn't have been,neither would I.

No longer heroes...

Why do we lie?
Why do we hide?

About things we hold close.
About things that we hold with pride.

Why does the world become a scary omen?
When you decide to follow the scent of a woman.

Why can't we bless a friend's love with joy?
And not think of the void created by some boy.

Why can't we show unconditional love to the young one?
And not restrict a hug to only after a job's done.

Why love in boundaries?
Isn't it stronger than seven seas?
Why hold your heart in chains?
And give yourself, so much pain.
Why seek happiness forever?
And not believe in now or never?

I know why,
So i don't cry.
It's the same answer.
In every eye.
'Coz we are scared.
Of being alone.
And stand without
The chains on my bones.
That were put to hold me with the crowd.
Have become the support,
I can't live without.

Because,we can't be brave.
The brave end in a grave.
We can't face the crowd.
And not be afraid.
Majority is right.
Is not always true
But who'll tell them.
If not me and you.
But no we'll not,
Step against the tide.
And not care if the world is on our side.
'Coz you and me can't lead the way.
We are not heroes,who change the day.

Laugh...

Simple things that make me smile
Were lost somewhere, I did not find.
My laughter had gone & lost its way
I'd even forgotten the last sunny day.
When my eyes had twinkled & I laughed out loud.
My face was forever covered by the cloud.

And then one day something went right.
In an unknown path I decided to stride.
The road was rough,
I didn't think I'd reach the end.
I was desperately searching
for the hand of a friend.

When I was almost about to give up.
Things and forms began to shape up.
The thorns on the path gave way to flowers
The night sky twinkeld with anxious stars.

And somewhere something hit the right note.
I felt a gurgle deep in my throat.
& suddenly a smile appeared on my face.
And my eyes crinkled and doubt left no trace.
And deep within started a laugh.
And starteld me as I bent in half.
And curled up in myeself
As if caught in a fit
And laughed like hadn't in quite a bit.

Sometimes,the strangest thing
hits the right chord.
As if a sign from the Overlord.
And puzzles that never seem to make any sense
Suddenly work out and you break the toughest fence.
That bound you from within or from without
And your mind is clear with no trace of doubt.
And then the joy of the gift of life.
Are appreciated for the worth they derive.
And the joy comes up as a smile on your face.
And everything makes sense in a perfect lace.

Stranger like me...

Walking down the corridor,
too lost in life's concern.
I met a stranger around the turn.
She looked at me & smiled a while
she looked familiar,like i knew her as a child.

After a moment of staring and her face,
I began to see a very mild trace,
of me in her,like we were made of a common batter
She could have been my sister,had i not known better.

Only that she was not entirely me,
she looked younger i'd say
& much more prettier and brighter
than me anyday.

She had no signs of worry of her face.
The world hadn't yet killed her grace.
The innocence hadnt been replaced by diplomacy.
There was no sign of struggle for supremacy.

Yes,that was the difference
between her and me
She was unharmed,
untouched by misery.

I on the other hand,had faced the sun
Got a tan,far beyond the pretty pink
& my hair was tied up in a tight bun
that was skillfully designed to kill my instinct.

As we walked past, I caught her in a last glance
& wondered if sally would ever dance.
Again,the way she did once
when the rest hadn't come and broken her trance
When she lived in her world
full of flowers and dreams
& life was too simple
& dressed in creams.

Will she ever be able to dance again.
& run like a wild horse
Not caught in the reins.
Of life & work
& responsiblities unbound.

Will she ever be able to catch nature's miracles?
When her life is going around in endless circles
Or will she always when walking in a spree
Be surprised when she bumps into a stranger like me??

Gift a Dream...

Gift someone a precious dream.
Wish someone else's dream comes true.
Gift someone the gift of love.
Without any signs of green or blue.

Give without asking for something in return.
Neither in Cash nor in Kind.
Help someone solve the puzzle's of their life
Without any interest to your own mind.

Risk your life to save someone's laugh
Without fearing your destiny.
Give someone's health supreme importance.
And make your life seem insignificant and puny.

Live a day for someone else's name.
Without once thinking of your inner strife.
And you'll realize how much contentment one gets.
When you gift someone a wish with your own life.

My ideal sunday...

Sunday is the end of the week for me.Some consider it the begining of the week.But for me its like the recharging day.The day I unwind and take all the week's worries off me.The day I relax and gradually try to get the entire week's burden off my shoulders.Sunday is the day I rewind.I rewind all my energies and senses to get ready for the week ahead.I try and gather all the courage I need to face a new week of challenges.I try and energize all my senses to be able to tackle a whole new set of problems,to be able to make a new set of decisions.
I spend most of my sunday dancing at the studio.It is a way of life,you know.When I'm dancing it feels like my whole world has shrunk down to the dancefloor.I feel like a young bird that has not yet learned to fly,and its entire world is limited to the nest its mother built. My world on sunday consists of a wooden floor,surrounded by walls of glasses & soft music playing.Music to which my feet have now started moving spontaneusly.They have trained to "listen" to the music & start moving on their own. They do not need my permission; they don't ask for it. And as I start moving to "their" tunes,my mind starts unwinding.My life,my work and my problems seem to drift away into a distance and it feels like all I know in this world is listening to music and dancing to it.
When I come back home.I'm tired,physically. But my mind is energized.Ready to face the world again the next day.I feel prepared to face the world again.Like nothing can deter me,bother me,break me.Like I can take the wind on my face and not falter or lose balance.
Someone,once asked me,why do you like to dance. I said,"Its not important that I like dance.Whats important is dance likes me.Its able to fill me with energy and passion"...for myself and my life.

Ma...

The other day,I was in a bus,coming back from somewhere when somthing happened thats made me write this.I saw something that happened in front of everyone,but I guess it did not touch anyone as deeply.Why it touched me, I don't know. I guess its because I had almost lost faith in the concept of family & respect. I did not believe that people in this day and age had anytime for values. Or it could be because I miss my mother a lot.
On the next stop after mine,a woman got in with two kids.They were boys,must be of the ages 5 and 7. The boys rushed into the bus looking for a seat while there mother climbed in later with a huge bag of groceries,I assumed. The boys were successful in finding a seat and sat down together on it,very happy at their success.Their mother patiently stood next to them with her bag beside her.After five minutes or so,the elder one(7 yrs old) got up,tugged at his mother's arm and asked her to sit down.He instructed his younger brother to give their mother some place to sit. He stood in her place like a brave man,taking care of his family trying to support the weight of the bag.
Looking at all this,I was touched.Touched by the gesture of the little boy,who had just shown a gesture worthy of a gentleman. I had never thought kids this small had feelings like these in them.He had suddenly metamorphosed from a brat to a man. His mother would have been so proud. They didnot seem to be from a very wealthy family,yet the boys action was commendable.It reflected his good upbringing even in sparse conditions.It taught me,that you don't need money and resources to bring up dignified citizens.You just need strong faith in values and morals.I felt tremendous respect for that tired,petite mother,who seemed to have too much on her platter.Yet she had managed to bring up such a wonderful son.
I hope and wish that the boy retains these values as he grows up.That the tides at school and then work,don't wash them away.That he understands his responsibilty later as beautifully as he does now. That he lets an old woman take his seat in the bus after a long day of work,hoping that someone else would do the same for his mother.
God bless!!

Who's the predator???

Last night while walking back to my room,
I met a snake on the front porch.
It sat all focussed trying to catch its dinner.
Aloof from the proding torch.

It had caught a few eyes before mine.
Which got scared and called the helpline.
And as we stood there watching it not move,
It charged at a helpless frog in the groove.

But before it could catch the leaping frog
It was distracted by the shreaking mob.
And turned around and darted back at me.
But only in defence of its territory.

When it saw our growing numbers it shrunk
into the dark corner of the gunk.
& sat there quiet waiting pateintly.
for the proding lights to go away,eventually.

As we got tired of waiting for it to come out.
Everyone went away,without any bout.
Between a predator and a prey.
Not knowing what role were they to play.

Later on, I heard a cry and shout.
Apparently the snake had tried to come out.
And caught the attention of a passing man.
Whose work had given him a nice tan.
And yet,he was worried,that this horrid beast.
Could have easily had him for a treat.

A crowd gathered from nowhere.
Everyone was shouting for someone to be there
To kill the awful beast,that had entered our land.
And could have killed anyone too unaware to stand.
Either near it,or even far away.
Just take it off! It ruined someone's day.

Some brats came out all excited.
Too happy of the task,all delighted.
And using a torch and a stick
They cornered the wild and viscious beast.
Held it by the tail & spun its head.
And hit it on the ground until it was dead.
Then carried it around,like a trophy they had won
And told me to be more cautious for the next one.

As I came back to my room,upset to have lost.
A fight to save a snake which had just paid the cost.
Of my bringing it to the attention of these "brave" men.
Who beat the creature,one against ten.
I sat wondering,all by me.
Who's the predator,
The snake or we???

Reconsidering decisions....

We all dream
We all hope
We all wish
to elope.
With our dreams
to some place far
to live a life
of happiness beyond bars.

What happens when the dreams are difficult to realize?
When the road to happiness is difficult to surmize?
Then do you rethink of giving up the dream?
& take up something easier that yield faster cream?

Do you think that the dream you chose to pursue
Was totally insane within your virtues?
That you'll have to take a step
Much beyond you,
To be able to make
your wondrous dream to come true.

Hold that thought.
Stop right there.
Don't think of leaving
your world without care.

Your dream is a world,made by you.
You designed its base,
You paid every due.
You worked really hard to get where you are.
In the process you might a gone a little afar
In pushing yourself,
To make your dream come to life.
You might have cut yourself
with the sculpting knife.
But when the forms will begin to take shape.
You'll find that there was no reason
for you to escape
the trouble that you had to go through
The joys that you gave up
the pleasures you chose not to pursue.

So when you see a dream
try to live it to the end
fight every battle
turn at every bend
In the end when the fruits of success
come in every hue.
You will see your world
bow down in front of you.

The toad in my shoe...

I found a toad in my shoe,
While running for class at timbuktu.
When in my usual hurried manner,
into my shoe i was trying to clammer.

My foot didn't go in all that well.
Something blocked its way and felt like gel.
But since I had no time to check
I dragged my shoe to the boarding deck.
When I got a moment to catch my breath
I thought I'd check my shoe instead.
And when I turned my shoe around
plomp! It fell out on the ground.

The people around jumped up in shock.
Some of them even tried to mock.
My clumsiness at dragging a frog along.
& not throwing it where it did belong.

The poor thing was equally amazed.
At been thrown out from a cosy place.
Which it had found after a long night.
To catch a nap before the sun got too bright.
And now the sun shone on its face.
Like being hit by a molten mace.
& from a warm and humid home
It lay on a dry & heated dome.
Must be feeling so alone
Homeless and tortured by crazy morons.
Who think they own the planet and erode
Every little animals abode
& pretend like its the little ones that were wrong
When they came in the way of the devil's song.

We are the devils here.
Who either by knowledge or by ignorance
Think they can obtain world dominance.
And come in the way of these little lives.
That are now trying their best to survive.
The begining of apocalypse in their world.
By the creature that presumes itself culled.

My rules...

To win the hearts of milloins
To bruise the heart of none.
To learn from every fight I've lost.
To cherish every battle I've won.
To know the words of my dear ones
Before they speak them out.
To never die of guilt.
Or fear of them finding out.
To appreciate every gift of nature.
To respect its beauty.
To love someone unselfishly.
To fulfill my every duty.
To acknowledge someone's victory.
Without a hint of jealousy.
To never leave a friend alone.
Nor disturb anyone's privacy.
These are a few rules
I try to live my life by.
Sometimes they are difficult to follow.
But the idea is to give it a try.

Live Life King Size.....

Live like you'll die tomorrow
Like you don't care about hurt or sorrow
Like today is the most important day
Like life is a gift in every way



Love like you don't know yourself
Like your beloved is your only wealth
Like you don't care about anything else
But their happiness and their health.

Laugh like you own the world
Like a small little innocent girl
Like you've been untouched by misery
Like you couldn't care about history





To live life king size
Might not seem to be very wise
But wisdom is in acknowledging the fact
That life can be lost with a small impact
& yet planning it like you'll live forever
& being certain about every uncertain second that you live
The only time you will fall is never.
And you'll be the happiest when you give.

The human touch...

The hand that pulls me into the bus.
The passing smile when I'm in a rush.
A wondrous rose in full bloom.
The first shower of monsoon.

Things that happen almost everyday.
Thing that make me stop mid-way.
Things that somehow touch my heart.
Things that make me human,in part.

We spend our days trying to catch up.
With someone or the other, always ahead of us.
There is always a plan evolving in my mind.
While aiming at the future,we leave the present behind.

The baby smiling from ahead in the line.
While her mother's busy paying bills and fines.
The friendly dog,you've never seen around.
That follows you home without making a sound.

These petty things that seem so prosaic.
That are so trivial for my life's sake.
Bring out a smile from with me.
Make me see the present through my future spree.

Its erks up the human from somewhere deep.
The human that long back was put to sleep.
It satiates my hunger for loving my day.
For taking off the charades and putting them away.

Its because within the mechanical me.
There still a human, dying to be free.

Alone amongst everyone...

Alone amongst everyone
Is where I find myself
When I feel like I'm standing
Against a rising wave.

Alone amongst everyone
Is when I find my eyes
Meeting with so many
& yet not finding anyone

Alone amongst everyone
Is when I fight by myself
& no one choses to be by my side
& just stand and watch the war

Alone amongst everyone
Is not a good place to be
It makes your rights wrong
& your opponents very strong

It makes every climb the steepest one
It makes every question the last one
It makes you doubt yourself
More often than you've ever done
Even when you start thinking you're right
At the end, you dont feel you've won.

Alone amongst everyone
Is where I often stand
Don't feel like putting on the mask
And pretend that I am one of them.
But sometimes I have no choice
And have to lie to myself
Thats when I feel like a hollow tree
Like my ego is no taller than an elf.

Destiny

Quite often,when I am walking down a small street in a small and insignificant part of the city I see these women and little kids picking up rags and plastics from the dumpyards and trash can.They get a few rupees here and there for seperating different kind of trash.I am reminded of the saying,"One man's trash is another man's gold"
I look at them and then I look at me.What mistake did they make? Who gets to decide who's the rag picker and who's a PhD student? Its nothing to do with brain size.Any given day,i'm sure most of them can beat me at an IQ quiz. Then where lies the fault? Is their only fault their birth? Why was that girl born in the house of a rag picker and I in the house of doctors? Why does she have to fight for every piece of bread she eats, and no one says a word when I ruin a million dollar deal? You'd say I'm lucky.I'd ask, why isn't she?
Its when all these questions are reeling in my mind that I start believing in the term called "Destiny". Its the only difference between me and her.The only birthmark that seperates the two. She is picking rags because she is destined to do so.I'm pursuing a phd 'cause I'm destined to do exactly that. She did not choose her life,I did not choose mine.But then who did? Who put me in an air conditioned cabin and her on the dumpyard? Does this mean that their are higher powers? There is a GOD?
But then,why is God unfair to her?They say He loves all;big and small.But then why does this difference exist? Hinduism and a lot of other religions explain this as a result of past deeds.Deeds from your past life. But I like to believe that God forgives. That his love is unconditional. That no matter what you do,he will always love you. Then why does he choose to differentiate?
I dont know the answers and that is what disturbs me. So when someone tells me they are sympathetic for the "poor" and then turn around and crib about problems from their workplace.I feel sympathetic towards them.They don't realize how lucky they are.And I feel angry at them...for the very same reason.

I have found my place...

I have found my place,
I have taken my stand.
I know what I want
I know who I am.

I have had my falls
I'm glad I survived
Nearly died a few times
But something in me thrived.

I have fought my battles
I have won some too.
The losses are many.
But the guilts are few.

I have loved my people
I still love them all
I know that they'll pick me up
and make me stand tall.

I've created my own niche
And bedizenned it with love
with jewels from the past
And the dreams my life is made of.

The philosopher in me...

I think all the people who blog are philosophers.I think everyone of us is a philosopher.The difference is some of us want our philosophies to be hear nad appreciated by people,other just want to keep to themselves.
What is philosophy if I dare ask? When I was 15 yrs old,my father read one of my poems,and said,"My daughter has become a philosopher" The poem was nothing extraordinary.Just my interpretation to a particular experience in life.My mother says,philosophies are vague and indirect.But the stuff that I write is the most direct expression of what is going on in my head.I guess that means that my thoughts are vague.Or as I'd put it,just to difficult for others to understand.And since I'm the latter kind of "philosophers" who dont like the world to know of their thoughts,I guess thats what I am...a philosopher.